» Status: COMPLICATED @ Friday, July 9, 2010
Am I ready for the joy?
Am I ready for the pain?
Am I ready for the boy?
AM I READY FOR LOVE? Am I ready for love - Taylor SwiftSorry if you find the title and introduction lame. lol. You know, when you`re inlove you do random corny stuffs like that. Uh-huh, I`m inlove. :S After a year of not having a special someone in my heart ; After a year of not having the feeling of butterflies around my stomach. But the problem is, it`s like right love at a wrong time cause I still need some time to learn how to love myself first.
So this guy is my classmate. He likes me and I already know about it since we were second year highschool. But I don`t like him back that time. And suddenly, I`m starting to like him. Now, we`re like in the complicated state of Mutual Understanding aka MU. I don`t know if he`s courting me. Every dismissal, we go home together, he texts me and stuffs. But he`d NEVER asked me if he can court me. It`s like MIXED SIGNALS. So everyone in my class are asking me, "Sasagutin mo ba si *insert name here*?". I`m like, "Ewan. Hindi naman yata nanliligaw eh." It`s really confusing. :/
And the other problem that I mentioned awhile ago is that I still need some time to learn how to love myself. I`m still the same girl a year ago. A girl who has a lot of insecurities. I easily get jealous when some random pretty girls passed by our classroom. He might like them. I feel ugly. I feel insecure. So I guess it would be really hard for me if I entered into a relationship if I`m having this bullshit feeling. I can`t give him the love that he needs cause I don`t even love myself. I can`t give him my whole heart cause it`s full of depression, insecurities and sadness. Damn. I like him. I REALLY LIKE HIM. But the timing just isn`t right. Screw you, Cupid. :|
UPDATES: As of now, I feel he`s not really into me anymore. Cause we didn`t go home together yesterday. And now, he told me that we should go home together. But I need some things to do in school. He waited for me. But my work took that long. Then he left. It`s very disappointing. I mean, why do you have to tell me that we should go home together if you will just left me? :( I actually asked God to give me some 3 signs that he`s not into me. So far, I got two.. I only need one more. :( Let`s just see if he can make up tonight cause he said he`s going to text me. But it`s really up to me if I`m going to follow that sign. I just asked God for guidance, it`s really up to me if I should dump him or not. I know I don`t have the right to feel this way but.. I don`t know. One word.. COMPLICATED. *sigh*
Labels: Blah blah blah, crush, Drama, dramas, highschool life, insecurity, life, Love, random, Senior Life, thought, thoughts, time, WHATEVER
