» Hello, school. @ Friday, May 21, 2010
Hey blogmates! It`s been a month since I posted something here. My apologize for that. Cause lately, I`ve been lazy and uninspired. lol. Just kiddin`. It`s just there`s nothing really special that`s happening in my life. This summer is boring. So yeah, just so we all know, School will start in a couple of weeks from now. But up to know, I`m not yet ready. Cause my mind is being fucked up of which school I should spend my Senior Life. Yes, I want to go back to my previous school, CCC. But somehow, my friends and other shit problems are giving me reasons not to. D:
First, I feel like my friends don`t care anymore. I feel like they don`t really give a damn if I transfer there or not. It makes me feel I`m not important now. Like I`m an old toy they don`t want anymore. :( It sucks. Sometimes, distance can affect your friendship. But how can I spend some time with them if I have a f*cking insecurity problem?! And yes, speaking to that problem, that`s an another hindrance why I`m having hard time if I should go back to CCC or stay in KAMS. Actually, it`s also the reason why I transfered school. Though I know it`s just a normal stage in every teenager`s life but I just can`t take it.. zits. They suck hardcore. They ruined my life like hell. To the point that the extrovert Lindsay before is now an anti-social, low self-esteemed, depressed, no self-confidence 15 year old girl. It feels REALLY awkward when I passed by big crowds cause I`m afraid what they will think of me and I`m afraid that I will see someone there that I know. I cry every night. And yeah, TRANSFERED SCHOOL. You may find me weird or too shallow for that. But I`m really a one overzealous vain teenage girl (I don`t know if that word is right). So having something like that depresses me a lot. It`s not really in a worse condition. I still look like a human. But I don`t know why it really made my self-esteem lowered and hate myself. Maybe it`s because that`s only the first time it happened to me. I`m afraid that my former CCC schoolmates will say, "Ui, anong nangyari sayo" "blah blah blah" and stuffs. :( I`m afraid of what people might thing of me. It will bring me down. :'( And the third reason why I can`t really decide if I should go back to CCC or not is because it`s feels like I`m being left out. Duh. They`ve been together for one school year. I can`t relate to them if they start talking about it.
But even if there are a lot of reasons why I`m still indecisive, I still don`t want to stay in KAMS. Pssh. I already had enough dramas there. And I can`t take a 10 more months to stay there. I don`t care if I`m always a top student there unlike in CCC that I`m just an average student. Cause what`s the point of having those certificates, awards and medals if you are not happy with where you are. Right? So you can drop a comment here if you want me to help this indecive mind of mine. And if you don`t have anything to say with this drama, thanks for reading anyway. Until next post.
Labels: Blah blah blah, decisions, Drama, dramas, Friends, ftw, highschool life, insecurity, KAMS, life, pimples, random, Stupid, summer, thoughts, zits
